Suffering

"Life Is Suffering" shall be my opening of this page.

As we know, life is suffering. For other religions, I'm not sure but for Buddhist, we believe that life is suffering. Do you know why new born babies usually cry when they are born? It's because they know that they are here to this world to suffer and their sufferings has just begun. This is what I believe.

It's been a while since my last update. Why should be your question. I were sick for the last 2 weeks. Last 2 weeks, I had a fever and cough. As we know, the case of H1N1 is getting more serious, I went to consult doctor at once. Luckily, the doctor said that my fever is just a minor one and I cough because of phlegm in one side of my lungs which I've forgotten which side which the doctor told me. It's not the cause of H1N1 virus because, the virus will cause high fever and unphlegm cough(cough not because of phlegm).

I felt very ill and very weak because for 3 days I didn't eat rice. I just ate porridge everyday. I got no energy at all and extremely tired because on that day just before my fever, I went for sport practice after school. I were moodless and quite weak on that day in school and then I still run 400 meters at the sport practice. When I were got a fever........

The next day is Friday and I took a day off at home. What I did at that time is just lying down on my bed. I can't even and felt hard to get up from my bed. Every time I got up from my bed to take some food and medicines, I have to push myself hard to get up. Get up from my bed can said that is a hard task for me at that time. Haha! I were very weak and I felt very suffer at that time. I can do nothing at that time. I felt like I'm like a dead body. No spirit, no mood, & no energy.

After a few days of sufferings, I got well and used a week to fully recover myself. Sickness is one types of sufferings.

Last but not least, I advice everyone to drink more water and due the H1N1, take good care of your personal hygiene and consult doctor immediately if you find that you are not well.

May GOD BLESS US ALL!!!

Is Coupling Something To Be Proud Of?

Teenagers nowadays are eager to have a "relationship". You know what type of relationship I mean? Couple. A boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Zzzzzzzzzz..... One question keep appearing in my mind lately. Do true love still exists? And if really still exist, can it be prolonged? I still can't find any answer for that. Zzzzzzzzzz

One incident that I have experience lately, I got a female friend who asked me for some opinion and advice in love. She told me that she is eager to have a boyfriend. Zzzzzzzz........ At first I refused to help her because it's none of my business and the help which she needs from me is meaningless. I rather do some charity or some good deeds which are meaningful helps but our friend here asked me to help her get a boyfriend. Zzzzzzzzzz

After being persuaded or rather annoyed by her, I agree to give her some opinion and advice. I won't tell what happened next because it makes me sick. Zzzzzzzzzzz

Then a few days ago, she asked me for a hangout. I refused to at first but she told me that she's now in a relationship. Wow!!! So fast!!! At last, I went out with her and a few friends and of course with the hero of the day which is her new boyfriend(she is the only one who treat him as hero zzzzzzzz). She was very proud on that day. At first she didn't join us. We separated into 2 groups which are she and her bf and me and a few friends. Her bf has went home early due to some reasons, and so she only joined my group. At that time, she and my friends keep talking about her bf. That time I really sick of hearing about it because it's bored. Zzzzzzzzzz

That's the story I wanted to share. Is having a boyfriend or a girlfriend something to be proud off or to be show off to others? I'm currently in a relationship now but I don't feel like showing off my love ones to the others. I noticed a few friends of mine including the one above put the pictures of their boyfriends or girlfriends as screen savers, wallpapers or display pictures in their handphones or in msn for example. However, I'm not. I don't even have the picture of my love ones. Zzzzzzzzzz..... You can say I'm an useless boyfriend but I don't mind. I just know that I love my gf and even without that which I mentioned above. I don't need all that to prove how much I love my love ones. My love is proven in all my actions and care for her..........

Unlucky

My monthly test has finally over. I should be glad about that but honestly I'm not. Why? Because I know that I'm going to fail all the papers. However, beside disappointed, I understand that I deserve to fail because I didn't study for it. So, in order to convince myself, I said to myself that I'll work harder and do not work in the final minute.


Besides, that title "Unlucky" above signifies myself. I feel that I've been quite unlucky lately. I myself also find no explanation to this. So I think it's better for me to use the word unlucky. No matter what I do, it'll fails or goes wrong. Not just that, the results or in a better word the consequences are big.


In order to escape from that, I've tried to stay away from other people and not to be busybody so that I'll not be blamed and won't cause troubles for my unluckiness. Unfortunately, it doesn't works. Although I didn't find the troubles but they find me. Zzzzz.....


The people around me keep causing me troubles and I'm the one who are going to take responsibility. Besides, other people also keep finding troubles with me and also mess with me. Why? Why I don't want to mess with them but they want to mess with me? Can't you all just leave me alone peacefully?


This unluckiness is going to end. If not I myself will end it. This unluckiness is not going to cause me any troubles anymore. This make me SICK!!!


IT'S OVER!!!


And to those people who are still gonna mess with me, I'm gonna tell you that if you wanna mess with me, BRING IT ON!!!

An End..........

Good Morning! I think this is the best words that I can say or wish all of you at this time. It's in the middle of the night and yet I'm still awake and type this blog out. Why? Why I'm still awake? or Why I'm not asleep? Ahah! Because I've a feeling of uncomfortable which I can't describe.


However, I'll roughly describe it out. Hours later, it'll be my 1st form 6 monthly test. Unfortunately, I'm not ready for it. I just touch my books a little. Hahaha!!! I know that I'm not going to do the test well. Since I can already predicted it, but I wonder why I still suffer the feeling of worry & scare. I'm more than not ready or rather not I'm not ready at all.


Since my form 6 has started, besides attending classes, I seldom touch my books or do any revision. So, my basics are very little. For tomorrow, I feel like I got nothing for the test and once again I'll lose and fail to regain my dignity. However, i know that I deserve it because of my laziness. Hahaha!!!


Last time including this time, I usually studied in the last minutes. I studied till the middle of the night or the whole night. Sometimes, I didn't sleep for the whole night. The results of this is none other than the word FAIL!!!


I suffered a lot and I think it's time to put an end to this craps. This is the last time I'm doing this craps. And for this test, I've no choice but to try my best just to pass it even though it's going to be a suicide. I ain't gonna repeat this craps again.


Last but not least, I'm looking forward to the final exam at the end of the year. I promise that it'll going to be DIFFERENT!!!

The 1st Monthly Test

My 1st 3 words are OMG!!!


My 1st monthly test of form 6 is just around the corner.


But..........I just started my revision or rather my studies because I just started to touch my books lately.


SHIT!!! I've no confident in this test at all and I'M SCARE!!!


Anyway, I"ll try my best to pass every paper.


I don't aim to score but just to pass. I'll be very thankful and satisfied if I can pass all the papers in this test.

SPM July Paper 2009 PROMO!!!

This is the continuation of the post entitle "I Have A Dream".


The moment after I received my SPM result, I went back home. Although I'm ashamed, but that's the fact. Nothing I can do to change it or to make it better. No matter what, I've to face my family, my friends and everyone.


Since that moment, I despise myself and I feel my life is meaningless.


So, just after I returned home that day and my family has known my results, I made a choice. That's just one thing in my mind. In front of all my family members, I announced that I'm going to retake SPM which will be the SPM July Paper 2009.


At first, all of them disagree. My mom said that it's not an easy one. It's not like normal SPM. It's times harder and the marking will be very strict. Besides, my uncle, my grandmother and one of my friend(the only friend that always support me whenever I fall down) said that it's not necessary. They said why not I just go into form 6 and challenge STPM.


But finally, I told them I've already made up my mind and no matter what is the obstacles or difficulties, I will just face it. My dream was vanished, my life is meaningless, I've lost everything. SPM July Paper? It's totally nothing. I will take it!!! I will get back that 1A for my Mathematics paper(there 're only 2 papers offered in July paper which is Math & BM but BM need to have oral test, so I just take Math).


I've promised my family, my friends and the friend who always support me that I will get back that 1A. It makes me fight, it makes me hungry, it makes me wanna get the feeling of getting it back. I will fight like my life on the line. I will get back what belongs to me. 1A!!! & My dignity!!!

I Have A Dream

Yesterday, at school, my MUET teacher asked us to discuss about the topic "I Have A Dream". She called up students one by one to tell the whole class about their dreams. All of them told about their ambitions, they wanna be rich, be famous, be professional. When it was my turn to tell, I just simply told about what i am going to do in the future such as my ambition which actually not. I created that in the last minute. All NONSENSE!!!


Why? I don't have a dream or rather it was vanished. It's all gone.


For the moment I received my SPM results, my dream was vanished. Completely vanished. Each day, my road to my dream faded further and further away. When I were asked the question "So my friend, how's your SPM results?", I'm ashamed although they said that "It's okay, my friend, work harder to get a better one next time." I'm ashamed, I look down on myself, I despise myself.


This Is One Of The Biggest Lose In My Life..........

Is Die A Good Solution?

Hi Everyone!!!


I'm Back!!!


Well, frankly, the moment I type out this post, I'm totally moodless and I just force myself to type it out. Due to some personal reasons which I prefer not to tell.


For now, what I have or rather what I left is just myself. My body, my head, my hands, my legs and my interior organs. ENOUGH!!! I got enough of that!!! I'm sick of that!!! I'm sick of all the things that surround me such as jokes for example. You all will think that I might be gone mad. But I tell you, I really got enough of that. I really can't take it anymore.


Every seconds, I'm struggling, fighting, and wrestle with the pressure that inside me. You all might think that the stupid pressure that inside me might be something easy to overcome such as study pressure. Well, I tell you not because if it's just like what in your mind, it would have no problem for me and I'm pretty sure that I can beat it off easily. But, too bad, it's not.


This pressure can't be explained. Even I'm fighting with it for so long, I still can't explain and I still can't find a way to overcome it, to defeat it. Every seconds now, I'm struggling, fighting and wrestle with it. I've tried my best and all my methods to overcome it but at last I still can't beat it. And now, the condition turn even worse and I find myself very near to the losing side.


For a moment, I thought of suicide to end all of it. Unfortunately, I've promised someone that I must live on and my life is no longer belongs to myself because there is one time the someone told that my life belongs to her. She will securing my life and I myself don't have the right to take it away. Due to that, I can't die or rather i don't have the right to die. Hahaha!!! Funny right?


But i really don't know what can I do now. No ways I can sweep way or beat the pressure. Every seconds, I suffer so much that I think that my surroundings are totally like hell. I really can't take it anymore and any longer.


For a moment, I thought that I've beaten the pressure and I'm the winner. The pressure is no longer inside me. But, at last, I find out that it is still inside me. It's impossible to beat it. I'm exhausted and very tired of fighting. I'm in the condition that I can't neither survive nor die. This is the worst condition in everyone's life.


After consulting an experience and knowledgeable person, I found out that the pressure that I'm fighting with for so long or rather my toughest, strongest, hardest opponent is actually..........No matter who or what my opponent or challenge is, I will just beat the person or it with all I got but I've never face such an opponent. I've given all I got. Frankly, I can't win. I'm in the condition which I want to give up and say I QUIT!!!


My toughest, strongest and hardest opponent is..........



MY HEART!!!

I Don't Know!!!

First of all, I apologize for not updating LL's Pages for a very long time. It had been months since my last post. Frankly speaking, I am lazy to update it. Besides, I find no topics of interest to tell. To be short, I promise to update it frequently.


Today, is the day I've never been or gone through in my entire life. I will not tell anybody about it. Just some people who are related to this business know about it.


Today is my off day. I should be very happy and relax. I should sleep till very late in the afternoon. Then enjoy listening to songs, reading storybooks, watching tv. However, life is not so simple. No day will pass so simple just like that.


A lot of people including myself wish to have a simple life but impossible. It is not a life if it's simple. Worries, confuse, obstacles, challenges, sufferings are some of the basics things that we've to go through in our life. For example a day, no one will go through a day without any difficulties. No day will pass just like that. In other word, no day is meaningless.


Today, I am really confused and blur. I don't know what am I doing. Just now I went out with friends, I've done some silly mistakes. For example, during talk, I misuse my words. Besides, while we are walking on the street, I walked to the wrong direction.


Don't ask me what happen. I won't answer no matter what.


For now, I....................


Don't know what to say....................


I can just listening to it....................

Revenge!!!

Sorry for updating late.


As everyone who viewed my page know, I failed my computer test for my driving license.


Fortunately, I pass the retake.


The results for my trial which I tried the test several times at home.


Passing marks: 42/50


1st trial: 46/50

2nd trial: 47/40

3rd trial: 45/50

4th trial: 45/50

5th trial: 47/50

6th trial: 45/50


The final result which is the result of my real computer test.

Final Real Computer Test Results: 49/50