SPM July Paper 2009 PROMO!!!

This is the continuation of the post entitle "I Have A Dream".


The moment after I received my SPM result, I went back home. Although I'm ashamed, but that's the fact. Nothing I can do to change it or to make it better. No matter what, I've to face my family, my friends and everyone.


Since that moment, I despise myself and I feel my life is meaningless.


So, just after I returned home that day and my family has known my results, I made a choice. That's just one thing in my mind. In front of all my family members, I announced that I'm going to retake SPM which will be the SPM July Paper 2009.


At first, all of them disagree. My mom said that it's not an easy one. It's not like normal SPM. It's times harder and the marking will be very strict. Besides, my uncle, my grandmother and one of my friend(the only friend that always support me whenever I fall down) said that it's not necessary. They said why not I just go into form 6 and challenge STPM.


But finally, I told them I've already made up my mind and no matter what is the obstacles or difficulties, I will just face it. My dream was vanished, my life is meaningless, I've lost everything. SPM July Paper? It's totally nothing. I will take it!!! I will get back that 1A for my Mathematics paper(there 're only 2 papers offered in July paper which is Math & BM but BM need to have oral test, so I just take Math).


I've promised my family, my friends and the friend who always support me that I will get back that 1A. It makes me fight, it makes me hungry, it makes me wanna get the feeling of getting it back. I will fight like my life on the line. I will get back what belongs to me. 1A!!! & My dignity!!!

I Have A Dream

Yesterday, at school, my MUET teacher asked us to discuss about the topic "I Have A Dream". She called up students one by one to tell the whole class about their dreams. All of them told about their ambitions, they wanna be rich, be famous, be professional. When it was my turn to tell, I just simply told about what i am going to do in the future such as my ambition which actually not. I created that in the last minute. All NONSENSE!!!


Why? I don't have a dream or rather it was vanished. It's all gone.


For the moment I received my SPM results, my dream was vanished. Completely vanished. Each day, my road to my dream faded further and further away. When I were asked the question "So my friend, how's your SPM results?", I'm ashamed although they said that "It's okay, my friend, work harder to get a better one next time." I'm ashamed, I look down on myself, I despise myself.


This Is One Of The Biggest Lose In My Life..........

Is Die A Good Solution?

Hi Everyone!!!


I'm Back!!!


Well, frankly, the moment I type out this post, I'm totally moodless and I just force myself to type it out. Due to some personal reasons which I prefer not to tell.


For now, what I have or rather what I left is just myself. My body, my head, my hands, my legs and my interior organs. ENOUGH!!! I got enough of that!!! I'm sick of that!!! I'm sick of all the things that surround me such as jokes for example. You all will think that I might be gone mad. But I tell you, I really got enough of that. I really can't take it anymore.


Every seconds, I'm struggling, fighting, and wrestle with the pressure that inside me. You all might think that the stupid pressure that inside me might be something easy to overcome such as study pressure. Well, I tell you not because if it's just like what in your mind, it would have no problem for me and I'm pretty sure that I can beat it off easily. But, too bad, it's not.


This pressure can't be explained. Even I'm fighting with it for so long, I still can't explain and I still can't find a way to overcome it, to defeat it. Every seconds now, I'm struggling, fighting and wrestle with it. I've tried my best and all my methods to overcome it but at last I still can't beat it. And now, the condition turn even worse and I find myself very near to the losing side.


For a moment, I thought of suicide to end all of it. Unfortunately, I've promised someone that I must live on and my life is no longer belongs to myself because there is one time the someone told that my life belongs to her. She will securing my life and I myself don't have the right to take it away. Due to that, I can't die or rather i don't have the right to die. Hahaha!!! Funny right?


But i really don't know what can I do now. No ways I can sweep way or beat the pressure. Every seconds, I suffer so much that I think that my surroundings are totally like hell. I really can't take it anymore and any longer.


For a moment, I thought that I've beaten the pressure and I'm the winner. The pressure is no longer inside me. But, at last, I find out that it is still inside me. It's impossible to beat it. I'm exhausted and very tired of fighting. I'm in the condition that I can't neither survive nor die. This is the worst condition in everyone's life.


After consulting an experience and knowledgeable person, I found out that the pressure that I'm fighting with for so long or rather my toughest, strongest, hardest opponent is actually..........No matter who or what my opponent or challenge is, I will just beat the person or it with all I got but I've never face such an opponent. I've given all I got. Frankly, I can't win. I'm in the condition which I want to give up and say I QUIT!!!


My toughest, strongest and hardest opponent is..........



MY HEART!!!